So a little over a week has passed and I am still spotting. UGH, being pregnant you are suppose to get a break from pads and panty liners. Most days are light and I even had 2 days with no spotting. I thought I was done. However, after that I had 2 heavy days of spotting. Luckily it has been burgundy or brown blood. But I hate seeing it.
My doppler arrived yesterday! YIPPEE!!! So I have been able to check your heart beat which is awesome. Funny story-I was trying out the doppler for the first time and couldn't find you. Then Julia took over and found your heart beat right away. It is so great to hear it every day.
I have been really tired lately, so I think I might have my iron and thyroid checked again. I am tired of not being able to do everything to. It drives me nuts to have the floor not vacuumed every other day. I feel like I am a bother to everyone especially daddy.
I am trying to stay positive but some days its hard. I love you dearly and want you but I feel guilty when I can't carry your sister or do tons of things with your brothers. I just wanted my last pregnancy to be careful and wonderful. It has been stressful at times and I don't think I will be at peace until you are born close to your due date and in my arms -safe.
Miscarrying and pre-term labor are always in the back of my mind. I want you more than anything my sweet baby.
just take it one day at a time. know that we are all here for you, to listen and be there to carry you thru the tough days. Pregnancy is so difficult when the innocence has been taken from you and replaced with worry. I hope having the doppler helps, I know it helped me a ton. I hope I can support you as much as you have supported me over the last 5 years!! Holy cow, 5 years, how can it be? Seems like just yesterday!!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely what Lesley said, one day at a time. Lots of deep breaths and praying too.
ReplyDeleteGuilt is such a draining emotion. I think as moms we all deal with a ton of guilt. As my therapist says, "Every time you feel guilty about something ask yourself 'what would it be like if I didn't feel guilty?'" Sounds really simple but a good way not to let this worthless emotion consume you.
I am praying for you and this little baby!